“This story takes place on my first backpacking trip 4 years ago….That trip really left a imprint on my life. Since then I have traveled to over 30 countries and have made friends all over the world.”

I have a story that’s a little bit of bad with a whole lot of good! This story takes place on my first backpacking trip 4 years ago. Because I knew nothing about backpacking I decided I would join a tour group called Free and Easy Traveler. The tour was setup for 25 days through Thailand, Cambodia and Laos for myself and a group of about 20 other backpackers.

Needless to say I was very nervous and excited at the same time. I remember constantly reading up on articles trying to prepare myself as much as possible. The one thing that I wasn’t thinking much about though was the social aspect of this journey. I’ve always been pretty good at connecting with others and finding my way in group environments. So I just assumed things would work out in the group and the only thing I needed to worry about was losing my wallet and malaria lol.

So the journey began and the first few days of the trip were unreal. We toured Angkor Wat, a huge historical temple complex in Cambodia, and danced on the beach in Siem Reap, the capital city. At times I had to pinch myself to believe this was real: I was on the other side of the world from home. All the overthinking was out the window, this was finally really happening! But once the high subsided, I realized something was off about the group vibes. I knew I was in a amazing place seeing amazing things, but I was also surrounded by strangers, and things weren’t going as smoothly as I assumed. The tour company was Canadian based so most of the travelers were from Canada, and there was a contrast in cultures between them and myself, an African American, that took a lot of getting used to. The things we liked to talk about, our sense of humor, and our taste in music were all different. Although I consider myself adaptable, spending every moment with them began to wear on me. I felt out of place.

By day 13, I was losing my enthusiasm for the trip. I was failing miserably to connect with the other travelers. I was in the group, but not of it. Even on a trip designed to introduce us to new cultures and ways of being, people didn’t seem as open as I’d hoped. Feeling like I was outside of the group made me feel like “the other.” I started to wonder how I was going to make it through another three weeks! But as I thought more about it, I realized that I had been focused on how they were treating me and what they could offer, rather than what I was bringing to the experience. Sure, I was trying to connect but I was doing it as if I was back at home, not really coming out of my comfort zone. I was craving acceptance and camaraderie. But in order to give myself the best experience I could, I had to let go of what others thought of me. I had to give myself the acceptance I was looking for and make the most of this trip, or the rest of the trip would have been a disappointment.
I finally said ,”That’s it! I’m not going to sugarcoat myself for others or try to fit in. I’m gonna be myself, and be unapologetic about it.”
That’s when the weirdest thing happened. The connections I’d been trying to create began to happen on their own. The camaraderie I’d been looking for came together. Once I stopped having expectations about how people should treat me and focused on being myself, we began to connect. In fact, I had such deep and personal conversations with some of them that we became great friends. That trip was 4 years ago and to this day I have close friendship with people from that group. That trip really left a imprint on my life. Since then I have traveled to over 30 countries and have made friends all over the world. No matter where I go or who I meet, I think back to that experience and how grateful I am for it. It was the first time being completely outside of my comfort zone that I gave myself permission to be myself.

Kamal Biggham

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